I love having adult children, now aged 21 and 19. Communication is nolonger a daily thing. It happens intermittently, with peak periods and lulls, depending on events, moods or busyness.This has provided an interesting reflection on the types of communication I have with my two. I guess there is less noise than you would see in daily interface, which has given me a more distilled picture of them, and their emerging adulthood…..as they slip out of their chrysalis to become beautiful butterflies! I digress….technology is the tether that keeps us talking, and these are some of the calls, FaceTime and Skype we receive.
1. The Consultant Call
This is a most welcome reversal of what I feel beset me as a parent: unsolicited advice! I could feel my words of wisdom spill out over my tongue before I could say STOP, and the look on two faces, said it all really! Now, the Prof and I receive, what I have termed, the consultant phone call. This is quite affirming as a parent…our children, of their own free will, phoning us for advice. These are fabulous calls, where so much is discussed, often heading off in all sorts of directions, giving us insight into their passions, ideals and goals. The discipline I practice in these discussions with the children, is to allow them to reach their own conclusions, and ensure they are satisfied (hopefully) with their decision.
2. The Confessional Call
This is the admission of a mistake or failure and search for a remedy or mitigation. My two are sad, disappointed, or angry on the other end of the phone, and I hear the gnashing of teeth….These calls are always ‘handle with care’ and experience has taught me that getting angry is pretty counterproductive! These can have two distinct subcategories, either the solution acted upon failed, and now seeking an alternative, or they have no idea what to do. Entwined in this is self regret, and sometimes a loss of confidence. These calls are emotionally draining (on both sides) and I find myself wishing I could reach out and give them a big HUG.
3.The Announcement Call
Looking for support and affirmation, these calls inform us of a decision made, or pending. I love the forthrightness in their voices, and the pride at having made a decision they wish to share with us. We are usually supportive, well…. try to be, without pointing out too many pitfalls, hazards, downsides, unintended consequences etc…. and generally sounding like a killjoy or entirely bursting their bubbles! As we try to point out, when they complain about our (sometimes) lack of enthusiasm, it is just our life experience and broader knowledge getting in the way, hey, we are parents, it is our job.
4. The News Call
This is the log of their lives since we last spoke, the ‘what’s been happening’ call. The results of university assessments and tests, description of their day or party/gathering they attended, new clothes bought, sport played, adventures had, what’s news with family and friends and planning the next trip home or elsewhere. We catch up on issues that occupy us a family…money seems to be a recurring topic? and the lack there of (in their pockets!) Asking after each other, showing we each have the other in our thoughts, and finishing the call with ‘I love you’.
sydneygirlmovestoperth 